Friday, September 30, 2011

Life Review

I've been doing a Life Review. Do you know what that is? When we leave our bodies and go into the spiritual realm (this is also known as DEATH), we go over every aspect of this particular lifetime.  Nothing I do here will match the scope of the spiritual life review, so I won't pretend to know something I don't. However, I am old enough to see my life as a series of starts and stops, like some beater car with a remade engine.

 I do believe there is an overall intelligence to our lives, even with our mistakes. I'm trying to detach my emotions from my past actions, but that isn't always simple. So I will break it down.


Category 1: What did I do right?
1. Remain in Chicago until my mom passed.
2. Got my BA .
3. Became best friends with __________, we still call and text each other, and I trust her with my life.
4. Had a big fat wedding.
5. Waited to have kids.
6. Got married. I'm not sorry about that.
7. Became an educator.
8. Got into yoga and pilates.

Category 2: Where did I fuck up? 
1. Going for a Ph.D. What a waste of time. I should have stopped after the MA or I should have applied for an MFA. Those years are dark holes.

2. Trusting almost everyone I ever trusted.
3. Not trusting myself and my talent.
4. Not seeing problems in my marriage when they were staring me straight up in the face.
5. Believing what people thought of me and trying to prove them wrong. See number 1.
6. Speaking my mind when everyone was better off not hearing it.

Category 3: What do I wish I had done in the past?
1. Appreciated the people who really loved me.

2. Stopped being so selfish.
3. Listened to my inner voice that warned me or guided me.
4. Traveled more.
5. Thought less.
6.. Spent more time at the office. (what office?)


Category 4: What will I do with the time I got left?
I haven't gotten that far.


There is also the "why did I say that", "why didn't I listen" and so on, but really, it is what it is. No one gives you instructions on how to do this life game. Besides, I am a tactile learner, and I never read that part of the package. So I'm going to try to enjoy myself and everything else around me. Even if it is all falling apart, something always remains.

7 comments:

  1. This is a brilliant post Susan. Got me thinking when I wasn't prepared to. Now quick comebacks here. Gotta think about it.

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  2. Thanks, Mr. C. I'm sorry I've been so invisible from your blog and those of all my buds. This post comes from some recent stuff that provoked all these memories from the past, stuff I never ever think about. It was almost like I was taken back in time. I had to reconcile what was coming to me.

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  3. (1) We now know what form Jimi Hendrix took upon reincarnation.

    (2) I'm not really sure how to respond to this post. I don't know if I should regard it as a description of process or a final statement.

    I guess I have to bone up on where you are, both psychologically and spiritually. Perhaps that's my own fault for being out of touch.

    (3) One thing about old beater cars: they were once new powerful machines that could race along the highway. In fact, they are the best of their generation. Lesser cars get recalled by the factory, or junked as lemons, or smashed up on the side of the road after some critical system failed.

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  4. Don't worry, X. I'm not offing myself. Do you have my email? I can explain it to you--it's a bit personal and weird.

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  5. Hey Susan I'm back!! Just read the post. Thought provoking as usual.

    On another note, just heard a song by Roxy Music, called If There's something. Really does get you thinking about our past memories, both good and bad.

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  6. Thanks, Weirdo--love it. Have you heard the song called Home? Maybe I should put it up here as a video.

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  7. Whoaa, tubby kitties . . .
    Your lists are probably helpful to you but too much structure may be counterproductive.
    I recommend a week in the desert with little food!
    (just kidding)

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