I have never been financially secure, but I've learned to develop a relationship with money. Like food, alcohol and the internet, money is about feelings. People don't like how they feel so they escape. Money provides the means to choose how we avoid thinking about our reality.
It's taken a long time, but I don't judge myself according to my financial stability. I am not a failure because I don't have x amount of savings and dividends. I am not a success because I own several homes and take yearly vacations. I realize that many people think differently.
Recently I got an email that brought all these sentiments to a head. I will paraphrase: "Susan, I hope you can think about the choices you have made. I hope you can rethink those choices so that you can make yourself more secure." Translation: Your problems are your own fault. You are irresponsible. Your life is a joke.I haven't met anyone who has consistently made good choices. I've met people who think their lives are successful because they obey some social norm. I've known folks who believe in a rigid design for their lives. What a shame when they themselves fail to live up to their own standard of happiness.
So here is my answer to those who think I need to be more secure. First of all, I have a loving partner who sticks by me, despite all my bullshit. I am secure. My son is getting into that teenage craziness, but he is smart, sensible and responsible. I am secure. I have friends who make me laugh, comfort me, share my burdens and let me know that they love me no matter what. I am secure. I have a steady job that I love to do. I am secure. I practice yoga daily to keep my body limber and my mind at ease. I am secure. I do community outreach so that I remember that we are interdependent; the good of others is my responsibility. I am secure. I give thanks to God for all these blessings and trust that my hardships will never be more than I can bear. I am secure.
We need to stop fighting about money.
money... i think some people love to foist their own hangups about it on to others. i like the teachings of abraham hicks, that money, our abundance or lack thereof is just a result of our own allowing or resistance to it. i'm working on the allowing. :) one thing is for certain, i know it is not inherent in our happiness or our security, that is all illusion.
ReplyDeletethank you for visiting my blog today. I added a facebook badge if you would like to be friends.
$$$!
ReplyDeletepeople want money for power and self-validation. stupid society!
ReplyDeleteChacha: They look to external things to validate their sense of worth. What will happen when the zombie apocalypse comes?
ReplyDeleteSJ: Makes the world go flat.
Smarts: I remember hearing Oprah talk about her weight issues after she had gone on a liquid diet, lost over 50 pounds and gained it right back. She said that weight isn't about food. It's about love. It's about sadness. It's about self worth. I thought that was very insightful. I don't see why the same formula cannot be applied to money or other material things.
Id read somewhere, vaguely some thickass book, which isnt worth remembering because it ws all academic BS,...that if you have power, you dont even need money. i dont associate money with any standard,but with a buncha stuff that lets me do a lotta stuff that i wont be able to do otherwise. but i know and am feeling that this thought will change few years down the line! so awesome to have read you after so long. :)
ReplyDeletePreacher. http://wordswalkingsticks.blogspot.com/
remember?
The one thing universally overlooked by "successful" people is the role plain old luck plays in their success. Luck of who you are, who you meet in life, being in the right place at the right time. Those things account for the great majority of successful people's success. The other thing is more tangible an usually an attribute of people who know how lucky they are, steadfast perseverance.
ReplyDeleteWhenever you run into a "self-made man" blowhard who denies luck had anything to do with it, ask them about the luck of things over which they had no control, like the luck of being born free and white in the most prosperous nation on earth. And go from there.
Mr. C: That is an excellent point. Were you born with certain attributes that upped the game, so to speak--that is something to consider. Of course if you say that to some of the people you described, they will deny it as they lack self awareness--too threatening.
ReplyDeleteManic: So good to see you! I left a note on your blog. Don't be a stranger. How are you?
Sus,
ReplyDeletei think i can relate to your not being able to be in CV with me blogging less and less and lesser...for me i dont feel comfortable in the 'me' that was she in deadpoets and the 'me' that is now(started deadpoets in 2006 GOD time goes by!) . times goes by and we change. the glove doesnt fit me anymore!
but i LOVE that u havent lost the zeal to write.
im following you, now. and no one's gonna be a stranger! :)
"This life is transitory. We don't have any guarantee that we have anything more than this one moment." -- Exactly. To me, a better ideal about money and stuff comes from Saint Francis of Assisi, among many others. We don't need much to live richly and we probably won't be taking much in the way of material goods with us after this life. Cheers ~~
ReplyDeleteAn odd e-mail. I assume that you didn't know this this person (these persons), but even so I wonder why they think they can impose on you that way.
ReplyDeleteSome folks are getting way too familiar without permission.
Goatman: I know the person, but that person does not know me. And there is never an excuse for crossing boundaries.
ReplyDeleteErik: Wow, good example. I think that is part of the problem with this recession: people cannot discern the difference between need and want. Oh, well--we all are guilty of that.
(1) Hmmm. Money as emotion, or affectation of emotion. Interesting.
ReplyDelete(2) Everyone knows, I guess, that money is an abstract representation of power. Since we equate power with righteousness (despite how much we pretend to dislike "elites"), it follows that the Protestant Ethic (and other religious doctrines) makes a fetish out of money, and endows upon those who have it the presumption of Election.
Some people use money as love: here is your toy, so why don't you play with it? But I guess I'm thinking of that feeling of security which isn't the same as real security. Our feelings change all the time. The recession has brought out fear in a scary kind of way. So money becomes the fortress. Definitely it is a power expression. This is why people need to think about their relationship to money or else it will consume them.
ReplyDeleteIt will take me a while to digest this and make some sense of it as it relates to the wise one of the universe. You know, me.
ReplyDeleteI have learned to live and be not content, but not discontented with just enough money. (For me, with my own peculiar background, that is saying something profound). I have a problem with those that tap me continually for money, and then proceed to make me miserable when the fountain does not produce enough. I am working on that. If I fix that problem, I am going to patent it or write a book.
Good post.
We are always criticized for following our convictions and this fear of rejection from the society is what keeps many of us adhere to social norms like getting married,buying house......instead of doing what we want and love whom we want to.
ReplyDeleteMoney is necessary and I'm beginning to feel it is REQUIRED for happiness especially when I see such social disparity.
"If your own brother judges you on those things that fall away, how will he judge himself?"
ReplyDeleteAmen to that. I likewise do not live up to many other's ideas of success. Unfortunately, I don't live up to my own. I could try harder, I could write more, and be a better friend to those who have been friends to me. However, I can criticize myself for these faults so I'm not losing, I think :) I know I have room to grow, and room to improve what exists.
Hope you have been well. Don't let the bean counters tell you how you have fared. Of course, this post is about how you have not let them do so.
Take care and hope to keep reading more from you.