Friday, December 24, 2010
Last night I was writing an email, and my husband suddenly had another attack. He was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. My son and I rode with him.
I'm glad to say that he is all right. But we have a lot to do. And I'm at a loss.
I used to get all these comments that I was searching for pity, that I'm a drama queen--tons of stuff. Now I'm started to get it here, when my focus is to destroy my ego and see how I can be a vessel for the Divine. My friend told me that God is doing some major clearing in our lives. Maybe. Times like these I cannot intuit anything.. My husband is getting sick for a reason. Stress is a major factor. Stress kills people; I've seen it. I don't want my husband to die. I want my son to know his father.
My last post was about clearing hatred, not owning it. Anyone who thinks otherwise should read it again or just go somewhere else, because the internet is one big department store. The last time my husband got sick, it was in March--he had a stroke. The two people who helped make sure his life remained miserable are the ones I discuss in the previous post. Ironic that I write a post about them and the same thing happens, except this wasn't a stroke, but an insane spike in his BP, which caused unpleasant symptoms.
Right now I just can't deal with people who don't get what I'm trying to say. I'm too raw. I cannot handle feeling it. Simply by blogging, I put my emotions at risk. And I'm not going to do that. It's not worth it.
This year has been so hard. I have nothing to give anyone. I'm empty. I got to get back to the garden.