Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Setting Our Relationships Right:: Awareness

Sri Bhagavan has observed that our lives are nothing more than a series of relationships. We are in constant interaction with another--we may pay attention to our human relationships, but the whole package spirals into everything we do. What is our relationship to food? What is our relationship to ideas? What is our relationship to the unexpected? Is there anything over which we can claim autonomy? Face it, even when you feel isolated and alone, you are still in a relationship--with yourself.

As long as we are in this body, we learn about ourselves when we see how we interact with others. This calls for strict objectivity--no excuses, no games, no exits. Our relationship to authority begins in childhood. We see power as external because children are unaware of personal power; they obey a stronger force--generally a parent. This sets us up for all our relationships. Bhagavan says that an unhealed relationship with a mother leads to a breakdown in all relationships--a constant sabotage of possibilities with obstacles galore. The unhealed paternal relationship creates difficulties with the material world, usually manifested as financial woes. These patterns can shift and even appear to cease, but when a trigger comes along, something falls apart.

I've been spending the last two years trying to heal broken relationships. In many cases, I've had great success. Others are mending. I am paradoxical; inadvertently I have a ratio of 2 good relationships to every mediocre one. But I would like to think I have learned to overcome sick relationships that hurt me and others. I really thought I had that one beaten. Think again.

In order for me to emulate light, I can't willfully hurt others. If I choose to abstain from meat, decry the taking of innocent lives and fight against a corrupt food industry, then I have to watch what I do with those closest around me. It is easy to say: I can't be friends with so and so--he's bad for me; he gets me thinking negative thoughts. What do I do to him? Maybe I am just as damaging? Maybe he's better off staying far away from me? Poison is metaphorical in our relationships. It can sink us into a slow kill or just make sure we stay sick.

As technology gets more sophisticated, our relationships suffer. But the fault does not lie with smart phones, it is our need to hide behind some apparatus that creates the pain. Then we judge the other based on an illusion we try to maintain. Things are always better when people can communicate honestly so that everyone is aware of what's going on. But honesty is an increasingly rare commodity--particularly when we want to see ourselves as more successful in relationships than we really are.

Days like today I feel sick inside at who I am. I don't blame anyone. I just want to be better. I have to be more careful about who I let grow close to me--not only to protect myself but the other person as well. I can't expect people to be something that they are not. Right now I suppose I'm seeking something perfect in others. But I know better. Perfection cannot be attained while we live on this earthly realm. We seek it inside our hearts where our spiritual self lives. That is the part that will travel when we leave this place. Until then, I hope that I can learn to make all my relationships right enough so that there is a little less pain in the world.


  1. Susan, I am more alone, now, than I've ever been my entire life... and though it is sometimes scary, the bottom line is that I like who I am, much better. I choose to not hang with those who fill me with negative energy... or with whom I may feel negative thoughts, towards... even if I must be more alone, in doing so. As I've grown, I've dropped friendships along the way... and even though it sometimes seems that I will spend my older years, with not so many friends, the ones that I do have are more real... and I am not trying to be who I am not, in order to meet approval or fit in. I freely choose whom I spend my time with... and sometimes it is just myself that I am spending this time with. Don't be too hard on yourself, for the things that you do not like, in who you are... for you are not who you used to be... only who you are, today. Allow yourself acceptance of the growth patterns, without holding onto the past. I sometimes have a hard time, myself, when I look back on some past behaviors, but at least I can look back and feel amazed that I don't even recognize that person, anymore. Sometimes it's even scary to think that what I am remembering, from the past, was even me... and I wonder just how many times I am going to change... and I guess all I can say, to answer that, is as many times as it takes to become who I really am, on the inside, that is always longing to be free... and fighting to emerge... and converge... and become one with the infinite bliss that is ours, should be ever master our egos.

  2. It seems impossible to rise above a dog eat dog world. Every time you put your faith in someone, or something, you are disappointed if not outright hurt. And so it seems that those who are perpetually happy are, indeed, self-delusional. But that's not so bad or to be scoffed at. After all, we are going to be hurt. We are going to die. Why not be happy on the ride?

    The only people I have met in my 66yrs who are truly happy, be they hippie, housewife or guru, are those who chose to ignore the bad, dwell on the good, and not fret over what is out of their control. If that means giving your cares to Jesus or accepting that it's all part of the universe, so be it. Whatever works for you.

    There is strong scientific evidence (as if it's needed) to support Karma. For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction, be it thought, word or deed. Most often the reaction is so dissipated that we aren't even aware of it. But it's there none the less.

    Walk gently on the earth fellow traveler.

  3. You could just be, let everything else do the same.

    If you find you can't do that then I suggest in all seriousness you take the Detroit approach to life. "fuck it"

  4. We can only do our best and remember, we're only human. I know I have many regrets of many things that have slipped from my lips to which hurt many of my loved ones. But with a sincere apology and a huge attempt to regain my integrity so that my words line up with my actions, it'll be less likely that I will be seen as a hypocrite. I think on many degrees, we're all hypocrites. We all say, "Yes this is good", when in fact we sometimes do the opposite. We sometimes hurt people unintentionally, while they assume it was intentional. There are so many circumstances that can predict one's character, or opinions about us when in reality, we're only trying to do what's best for us, and trying to be good to others. It's hard. Human nature is a fickle thing sometimes.

  5. You guys are great. I have so much to say to your comments. I've been told again and again that I'm hard on myself. But the purpose of this blog is not to be about myself; I hope it doesn't come off that way. Having said that noble sentence, I was thrown yesterday when I got into a nasty fight with someone who did not deserve it. It woke me up to some hard core weakness in myself and made me think: who really am I? God help the person who depends on me or gets to know me. And then I turned to Sri Bhagavan's ideas on relationships; I don't think it comforted me, but it put things into a tad more perspective. Why do we hurt the people we love? Is it because we want them to fulfill our expectations? Do we love them for what we have created in our mind? Love is about acceptance. I realized when I got angry yesterday that I had no respect for the other's point of view; therefore, I did not accept--that isn't love. This was not an unintentional hurt--I wanted to hurt this person, and when I realized what I did, I couldn't stand myself. But Deb, maybe you are right; I was working out some crazy conflict as it has been one shit week. I just want to be real.

  6. handcuffs and radiators

    o were I but only real
    there might be nothing left to steal
    when i place my I on stages
    that are built in petite rages
    only covered up in pulses as revealed.

    and here's to stimulating interactions
    amongst my many mental factions
    toward and underhanded even still
    as often is the case when only will
    plays unloved for interred reactions thrill.

    interaction is in silence but in minds that never cease
    amazed at how descriptively they are when they release
    the clenching of the spasm and the flood of raw relief
    when held up by some banditry'd abstractions as belief...
    o there i am and only real ...



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